Written By Jenny Martin, PsyD
Let me say something out loud that most therapy websites will not: a lot of people have sexual concerns they have never once talked to a therapist about. Not because they do not want help. But because they have no idea whether a therapist will actually get it, or whether they will spend half the session managing the clinician’s discomfort instead of their own.
That is a real problem. And it is one we take seriously at Gemstone Wellness.
Sex therapy in Chicago is more available than it used to be. But availability is not the same as quality, and quality is not the same as genuine affirmation. There is a difference between a therapist who has read about non-monogamy and one who actually understands the relational architecture of a polycule. There is a difference between a clinician who tolerates kink and one who works with it as a legitimate dimension of a person’s identity and intimacy.
We aim to be the latter.
So What Is Sex Therapy, Really?
Here is a take you might not expect: sex therapy is mostly not about sex.
That is not a deflection. It is the clinical reality. Sex therapy addresses the psychological, relational, and somatic layers underneath sexual experience. Desire. Identity. Shame. Attachment. Communication. Trauma. The story a person carries about their own body and what they deserve.
Sex therapy is talk therapy. There is no physical contact, no demonstration, no observation. What there is: a trained clinician who can hold space for the full complexity of your erotic and relational life without flinching, without moralizing, and without quietly steering you toward what they think you should want.
What we work with in sex therapy includes:
- Low or mismatched desire
- Sexual anxiety, shame, or avoidance
- Pain during sex or difficulty with arousal
- Compulsive sexual behavior
- Intimacy after infidelity or betrayal
- Sexual identity exploration
- Navigating non-monogamy, polyamory, or relationship anarchy
- Kink and BDSM integration, including processing experiences that brought up unexpected feelings
- Sexual effects of trauma, chronic illness, or major life transition
- Couples working through sexual disconnection
If any of those land for you, you are not alone, and you do not have to figure it out in isolation.
The Poly and Kink Piece — Let Us Be Direct
Standard therapy training does not cover this well. Most clinicians graduate with a working knowledge of monogamous, vanilla relationship structures and very little else. That is not a criticism; it is a curriculum gap that the field is slowly catching up to.
What it means in practice is that people in ethically non-monogamous relationships or with kink as part of their identity often enter therapy bracing for the conversation to veer off course. They spend energy explaining basic concepts, correcting assumptions, or omitting whole parts of their lives to avoid judgment. That is not therapy. That is management.
At Gemstone, we do not require you to justify your relationship structure or your desires. Whether you are navigating jealousy in a triad, processing a scene that brought up grief, renegotiating agreements with a partner, or simply trying to understand what you want, we meet you where you are. Your relationship structure is not the problem we are treating. It is the context we are working within.
Meet Jane Sussman: Sex Therapy With Real Depth
One of the clinicians I am especially proud to have at Gemstone is Jane Sussman.
Jane brings a level of focus and intentionality to sex therapy that is uncommon even among therapists who identify this as their specialty. She is currently completing training with AASECT, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. AASECT certification is the gold standard in the field. It is a rigorous, supervised, multi-year process, not a weekend certificate. It signals a clinician who has done the work, not just the paperwork.
Jane works with individuals and couples navigating a wide range of sexual concerns, and she brings particular care to clients exploring identity, working through sexual shame, or trying to build a more honest relationship with their own desire. She is thoughtful. She is grounded. And she will not make you feel like a case study.
If you have been searching for sex therapy in Chicago and wondering whether you will actually feel understood, Jane is someone I would trust with that question.
A Word on Shame
Sexual shame is so common it functions almost like background noise. It is the reason people wait years before addressing something that has been quietly affecting their relationships, their sense of self, their capacity for intimacy.
Shame thrives in silence. It convinces people that what they are experiencing is too unusual, too embarrassing, or too far outside the norm to bring into a clinical room. It is often the first thing we work through, and sometimes it is the only thing. When it lifts, people describe feeling like they can finally breathe.
You do not have to have a diagnosis or a crisis to seek sex therapy. You are allowed to come in curious. You are allowed to come in wanting more. More connection, more pleasure, more honesty with yourself about what you actually need.
Is Sex Therapy Right for You?
A few questions worth sitting with:
Do you avoid intimacy in ways that confuse or frustrate you? Do you and a partner keep having the same fight about sex and never quite resolving it? Is there something about your desire or your identity that you have never said out loud to anyone? Have you experienced something sexual that still feels unprocessed, confusing, or heavy?
If you answered yes to any of these, sex therapy might offer you something that general therapy often does not: a clinician specifically trained to go there with you.
Working With Us
Gemstone Wellness is a women-led, queer-led, Latina-led practice rooted in anti-racist, anti-colonial values. We work with adults across Illinois via telehealth and in person in downtown Chicago.
We are affirming of all relationship structures, sexual identities, and expressions of desire. We accept Aetna and Blue Cross Blue Shield. Sliding scale availability varies by clinician.
If you are looking for sex therapy in Chicago with a team that will actually meet you where you are, we would be glad to connect.